Learning how to handle sexual feelings is an important skill. Here are some healthy ways to manage arousal and respect your boundaries (and others’):

• Masturbation (Self-Exploration): Touching or rubbing your own genitals to feel pleasure is a completely normal and safe way to relieve sexual tension. Pediatric experts emphasize that “masturbation is a regular part of normal adolescence,” and many teens discover it’s sexually pleasing[9]. If you choose to masturbate, do it in private (for example, behind a closed door or in your bedroom) and remember it’s a personal activity – not something to do in public or where others might accidentally see[10]. It’s not dirty or harmful to masturbate; in fact, it’s a healthy expression of your developing sexuality[9]. Keeping it private and not feeling guilty about it helps you manage arousal safely.

• Consent & Boundaries: Only engage in sexual activity when you feel truly ready and with someone you trust. You always have the right to say “no” to any activity at any time. Consent must be clear and mutual – both people freely agree to what’s happening. Importantly, remember that arousal is partly involuntary: having an erection or feeling wet does not mean you have consented or wanted anything. As RAINN (an anti-sexual-violence organization) explains, arousal or orgasm are involuntary body reactions that do not equal consent[11]. In other words, if something happens that you didn’t want or weren’t ready for, it was not your fault – your body can react even if you didn’t consciously agree. Always look out for respectful communication (check in with a partner: “Is this okay?”) and never be pressured or pressured others into sex.

• Protection (Safe Sex): If you eventually choose to have sex, using protection is essential for safety. This means things like condoms (external or internal) and, if needed, birth control methods. Teen health educators stress that the only way to completely avoid sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and pregnancy is abstaining from sex, but if you do have sex it’s crucial to protect yourself[12]. For example, condoms can prevent both STIs and pregnancy; other methods (like birth control pills, IUDs, etc.) can prevent pregnancy but not STIs. Healthcare sources emphasize that STIs can be passed between partners regardless of gender or orientation, and pregnancy risk exists whenever sperm can meet an egg[12]. If and when you are in a situation to be intimate, agree on protection first. It’s also wise to get tested regularly for STIs and learn about contraception options from a doctor or clinic.

• Healthy Coping: Sometimes arousal can feel intense or come at inconvenient times (for example, during school or while doing other activities). In those moments, try healthy distractions: do some exercise, take a walk, play sports, listen to music, or focus on a hobby or schoolwork until the feeling subsides. Deep, steady breathing can also help relax your body. Talk with a trusted friend, sibling, or an understanding adult (like a counselor or doctor) about your feelings. Often just voicing what you feel can reduce anxiety or confusion. Remember, it’s okay to take time to understand and manage these feelings. There’s no rush — as you grow older, you will continue to learn about your body and emotions. No matter what, your comfort and safety come first.